Creating your own party: reframing visibility from scary exposure to warm invitation.

"You just need to put your work out there. You just need to get out there."

I hear this advice everywhere in the business world. And every time I hear it, something in me recoils.

I find myself thinking: “I don't want to go ‘out there’! Out there is cold and unpredictable and often rainy! I like to be at home!”

There's something deeply unsettling about this phrase "getting out there", it's so undefined, so vast and frightening. And the unknown is frightening.

As a result of this advice and approach, I see so many soulful women get stuck at this point in growing their business and increasing their income.

I think about visibility and marketing completely differently and it’s transformational for the women I work with!

This is from a recent participant in Feminine Fire who had been frozen when it came to marketing and visibility until she adopted my nervous system friendly, trauma informed approach to sharing her voice.

“Hi everyone! Just wanted to jump on here to share that I've been experimenting with writing on Substack - I've set up a paywall and comped in a few of my close friends so that only they can see my 'paid' posts and it's been sooo great! I notice every time I hit publish, my nervous system responds with a bit less activation, and I increase in confidence (especially thanks to my friends' sweet encouraging comments ) I'm hosting my dinner party and it feels goooood!”

Soon she’ll be sharing her posts much more widely, taking more creative risks etc - and she won’t feel overwhelmed or frozen in fear about it.

Reframing the conversation

So, how do we get to the point of enjoying sharing our voice and marketing our work?

We reframe: instead of forcing ourselves to "get out there," we imagine instead that we are creating our own delicious space.

I want my business to feel like a sanctuary to me, and by extension, to my ideal clients.

Sometimes I think of it like hosting a dinner party.

You're not leaving your safe space to venture into someone else's territory or god forbid, the busy hustling market place!

No, you're hosting a gathering in your space, and it’s a space you've designed exactly how you want it to be.

Maybe it's a cosy dinner party with candlelight and your favourite playlist. Or perhaps it's a magical woodland clearing you've lovingly cultivated, complete with fairy lights and comfortable cushions scattered around.

The point is: it's your party.

You're playing the music you like. You're serving food you enjoy. You're creating the atmosphere that feels most authentic to you. You're doing the things that genuinely light you up, because this is your space, your gathering, your creation.

The beautiful shift in energy

When you approach your business from this perspective, your nervous system completely shift. (Maybe you can feel that already as you’re reading).

When people want to come to your party - fantastic! Come on in! You're genuinely delighted to welcome them into your space.

But if someone doesn't like the music you're playing, or they find your food too spicy, or they prefer a different kind of gathering altogether? No problem. They can go find another party that suits them better.

There's no rejection in this model, just different preferences. Some people love intimate dinner parties; others prefer large networking events. Some people want deep philosophical conversations; others want light-hearted fun. Everyone gets to find their people.

And, just as importantly, you get to find yours, if someone comes into your space and their presence doesn’t feel good to you, you can lovingly ask them to leave.

Marketing as wayfinding, not selling

From this reframe, your marketing can transform and relax completely.

You're not throwing yourself "out there" into some hostile marketplace, desperately trying to convince people to notice you.

Instead, you're sending out gentle invitations. You're putting up arrows through the forest so the right people can find where you're meeting. You're creating breadcrumbs that lead to your beautiful gathering.

Your marketing becomes wayfinding – simply marking the way to where you are happily enjoying yourself.

You stay put in the environment where you feel safe and nourished. You remain grounded in your values, your style, your authentic way of being. And people who resonate with what you've created will follow the markers and join you there.

Why this matters for your nervous system

This shift begins in the imagination and ripples out to create deep physiological changes.

When we think about "getting out there," our nervous system often interprets this as a threat. We're leaving safety, venturing into unknown territory, making ourselves vulnerable to judgment and rejection. Which is why so often we end up in a freeze response at this point, becoming the best kept secret due to procrastination, holding back, watering down our opinions.

But when we think about hosting our own gathering, creating our own space, these protective responses can relax. We're in our element. We're offering something we genuinely believe in, from a place of safety, groundedness and authenticity.

Creating your own party

So what would your gathering or party look like?

What music would you play? What atmosphere would you create? What kinds of conversations would unfold? What would you serve? How would you decorate your space?

More practically: What topics genuinely excite you? What's your natural communication style? What values do you want to infuse into everything you create? What kind of community do you want to build?

When you can answer these questions, you're no longer trying to fit into someone else's idea of what your business should look like, instead you’re creating your own sanctuary - a place that feels so good, you’re delighted to invite others to join you inside it.

The invitation economy

We live inside a noisy, hustly market place these days. People are overwhelmed with options and tired of being sold to. They're looking for genuine connection, authentic voices, and spaces where they feel their nervous system relax and their true selves welcomed.

When you stop trying to "get out there" and start creating your own beautiful gathering, you become magnetic to the right people. You stop attracting misaligned clients and start attracting your people - the ones who love you, enjoy your taste in music, appreciate your food, and want to be part of the conversations you're most excited to have.

With love from my own little sanctuary,

Erika x

An invitation...

If you’ve enjoyed this series, and would like to journey deeper into the Your Right to Be sanctuary, my six-month mentoring programme for soul-led, sensitive coaches, healers and creatives opens again in September - join the waitlist here for early bird pricing and exclusive bonuses.